AI can help you flirt, but you can’t fake in-person chemistry. Credit: Vicky Leta / Mashable
Since ChatGPT’s launch, dating app users have used the chatbot to up their flirting game. TikTokkers have laid out how they use ChatGPT to message Tinder matches, for example. Now, months later, there are generative AI tools specifically for flirting, like YourMove(opens in a new tab) and RIZZ(opens in a new tab) (named after the slang term for flirting skills).
But what happens when the seduction goes offline and you actually go on a date? Mashable spoke with people who’ve used ChatGPT, YourMove, and RIZZ to find out.
Using AI to flirt (and apologize)One YourMove user in the UK who requested anonymity said that he initially thought it’d be interesting to use the service. He started feeding his Hinge matches’ messages into YourMove, and the suggestions it churned out were better than he expected.
Then, he matched with a woman, chatted with her using YourMove, and went on a date. He noticed she was socially awkward, and then during the date she admitted to using ChatGPT to message him. YourMove and ChatGPT communicated with each other.
“I was like, ‘Wow, it’s kind of creepy, actually,'” the user said. “But then looking back, I was doing the exact same thing. I just didn’t want to admit it.” He never told her he used YourMove, and they didn’t continue seeing each other.
“All I needed was to add an emoji here and there and specifics about the [woman’s] name.” A 23-year-old in South Africa, who also spoke under anonymity, used ChatGPT to send an apology to a woman for not calling her after their first date. He was already interested in the possibilities of ChatGPT, and a few weeks after the first date, put the situation into the chatbot and asked it to write an apology paragraph.
“I had specifically asked for a slightly heartfelt yet mildly humorous and it [drafted] an almost perfect sample to send,” he said. “All I needed was to add an emoji here and there and specifics about the [woman’s] name.”
Turns out, she accepted the apology and they went out on a second date — though it fizzled out afterwards. He didn’t tell her he used ChatGPT because it seemed inappropriate at the time. “I was going to tell her after our next date,” he said, “but we went our different ways before the conversation came up.”
Can AI rizz translate into good IRL dates?YourMove founder Dmitri Mirakyan told Mashable there are broadly three types of people who use the product:
introverts and people with low social energy
people that feel bad at flirting
people new to a culture or language
For those in the third group — say, if English is their second language and they use YourMove to flirt — the difference between the messages and in-person conversation can be noticeable. For the others, however, he said that’s not the case.
Introverts and low social energy folks are probably the biggest demographic of users, said Mirakyan. “There’s no negative effect on dates [for them],” he stated. “These users happily bypass the ‘texting’ part of dating apps and skip to the date.”
Users who feel bad at flirting told Mirakyan they feel more comfortable and forward after using YourMove, “which translates into better dates,” he said.
“Overall I feel like most of us have some charisma that we can project in person,” Mirakyan said. “Building rapport over text with a stranger, with minimal shared context, is hard for anyone. With that in mind — most customers actually report having positive experiences on dates.”
“Building rapport over text with a stranger, with minimal shared context, is hard for anyone,” Co-founder of RIZZ, Roman Khaves, told Mashable that his team sees a lot of people use RIZZ for opening messages, as a simple “hey” doesn’t entice people on dating apps. RIZZ doesn’t speak for people, he said, nor do they use it for every single message in their conversation.
“Users use RIZZ as a stimulant to get their own creative juices flowing,” Khaves said. “It’s there to help you start the conversation and keep the flow of conversation going until you get comfortable with the person on the other side.”
An anonymous male RIZZ user said in an in-app survey that he didn’t think about RIZZ at all during his dates. “My own conversational skills were enough. I went on dates with several girls and am currently seeing one of them.”
“RIZZ helps put me in the social frame of mind, after the initial prompt I am more confident to continue the conversation on my own,” said another.
Conflicted about AI-assisted datingDespite how well YourMove works, the UK user Mashable spoke to feels ambivalent about using AI this way. On one hand, he considers himself better on the phone than through texting, and it helps him message matches. Considering how much people rely on dating apps to meet people, if you don’t get someone’s attention within the first three or four messages, “you’re basically…discarded, almost,” he said. It also feels better to “blame” YourMove if a match doesn’t respond.
A male anonymous user of RIZZ echoed this sentiment. “I’m actually really good with in person conversations but just terrible with texting especially on dating apps,” he said in the in-app survey. “It’s especially difficult to come up with something witty to break the ice and stand out, but with RIZZ I’m getting a bunch of clever opening suggestions that help activate interesting conversations.”
On the other hand, said the YourMove user, there’s a stigma in using AI for this purpose, which is why he didn’t tell his date he used it even when she disclosed she used ChatGPT.
Further, he said using AI can feel disingenuous and may give off the wrong impression. If he choses funny YourMove responses, a date may expect him to clown around when they meet in-person, but that would wear him out eventually.
He’s also experienced having chemistry with someone over DM due to YourMove, but didn’t feel a spark once in-person.
“We could force [conversation] using an app like this,” he said, “but it’s not going to make up for…lack of chemistry in-person.”
Anna Iovine is the sex and relationships reporter at Mashable, where she covers topics ranging from dating apps to pelvic pain. Previously, she was a social editor at VICE and freelanced for publications such as Slate and the Columbia Journalism Review. Follow her on Twitter @annaroseiovine(opens in a new tab).